Madness Trilogy 3: One Step Beyond
by Fiery Fred
Summary: You ever heard of chaos theory?


> ### Chapter 1
> 
> We were on guard duty. The only thing that was moving was the loose sand, which rattled along the ground in the breeze. All was well. They wouldn't have let me be on guard duty if there was much chance of any excitement. I'd had quite enough excitement in the past few months - enough to last me for my extended Tok'ra lifespan. 
> 
> I pulled my hat down further, shading my eyes. The time I'd spent with the Tok'ra had taught me just about all I needed to know about them. I admired their cause, but I couldn't really understand their methods. They never really seemed to accomplish much. And I didn't like Garshaw at all. She was one of the grumpiest most patronising leaders I'd ever met! I don't think she liked me much, either. Even her host didn't seem to get on all that well with her - she spent most of her time trying to calm down everyone that Garshaw had annoyed with her harsh words. Martouf had much the same problem with Lantash. Lantash certainly had some strong opinions, though thankfully he wasn't very talkative. It seemed that I was lucky to have ended up with Sarrazan. 
> 
> The relationship was a strange one. I had the benefit of being able to access both of our memories, and I could hide my thoughts from Sarrazan. But if he wanted to, Sarrazan could take over my body and I wouldn't be able to stop him. You had to learn to compromise otherwise it wouldn't work. The symbiote felt your emotions even though it couldn't necessarily read your thoughts. When you were happy, it felt your happiness. Or it felt your despair. That difference in preferred emotion was the major difference between being a Goa'uld or a Tok'ra host. Having experienced both sorts of symbiote, I definitely preferred the latter. 
> 
> Putting my hand down onto the hot sand, I stood up. Brushing the sand off of my Tok'ra clothes, I began to wish I was wearing something cooler. Camouflage was all very well, but a T-shirt and shorts would be a lot more comfortable in the searing heat. What with having to sacrifice most aspects of Earth dress in the name of becoming a decent Tok'ra, I was extremely glad I'd been able to keep the hat. I'd owned a similar one for when I used to go on digs, but it'd seen as much rain as sun. That was the problem with digging on Roman sites in the north of Britain. Daniel's gift had been a thoughtful one, and one I probably didn't deserve. 
> 
> I'd been sad to leave SG-1, but it had been necessary. I would have liked to get to know them better. The first time I met Daniel we didn't exactly get off on the right foot. I'd been terrified that he'd find out I'd stolen his life. I'd lived as him for years, and if he'd gone back to his life he would have noticed someone had been messing around with it. I'd denied all those theories that Daniel had felt so strongly about, and I'd used the excuse that I'd been temporarily insane! Not only that but if he ever did return, people might ask him about papers he hadn't written, and someone might even start to wonder why he didn't look like the Dr Jackson they'd seen talking in London. 
> 
> After meeting him I felt bad about what I'd done, but there wasn't much I could do about it. I was glad that he found out before he tried to leave the SGC. Maybe I could have been nicer to him, but then I could have been nicer to everyone at the SGC. I'd been especially annoyed with Sam. The problem stemmed partly from her insistence that not all Goa'uld were evil. I knew that now I'd met the Tok'ra, but at the time I'd thought her allegiances weren't completely with the people of Earth. Perhaps in time, with Teal'c and Janet's help, I'd have started to get to know them. As it was, Sarrazan had sped the process up and dealt with all my misconceptions. 
> 
> I walked over to the Stargate, my feet slipping backwards as I sank into the sand. I'd only been through a Stargate once, and I hadn't enjoyed it. The journey took your breath away, it was freezing cold, and I was extremely glad I hadn't eaten before stepping through into the great beyond. But if there was one thing that was certain, it was that I'd have to go through that Stargate again if I wanted to leave this somewhat bleak planet. 
> 
> As I stood there next to the huge grey ring, I thought that this was probably a moment I'd remember for the rest of my life. All the things I remember vividly aren't really important moments: they're moments when I must have felt happy and strangely peaceful. Like when I was small and laid next to the heater on the rug my Mum had made. I can't have been older than three, but I still remember lying there next to the electric fire. The fire had had those twirly things in it that simulated a coal fire effect. The rug had a Viking on it, a comedy Viking. She'd copied him from the little plastic Viking that sat in a wooden alcove by the fire. There was no logical reason why I'd remember something like that, but I did. 
> 
> My reverie was interrupted by the Stargate making an ominous rumbling noise. I stood stock still, unsure what to do - luckily Sarrazan took over. We ran to the top of the dune I'd just left and shouted. Sarrazan knew the next Tok'ra in the communications chain would be within earshot and would take the news of unexpected visitors back to the subterranean tunnels. 
> 
> "Tok'ra kree!" he shouted, shouting so hard it hurt. 
> 
> Then we turned back towards the Stargate. The fourth chevron was already glowing. Three more and the wormhole would engage. There was always the possibility it wasn't the Goa'uld, but no-one was supposed to know where we were. We jogged over to a dune in the opposite direction from where the base was, lay on the hot sand, and waited. 
> 
> A few seconds after the blue cloud had billowed out of the Stargate some Jaffa stepped through. The one in the lead deactivated his helmet, and looked out across the sand. I'd left footprints, I knew I had. At the time it hadn't seemed important to scrub them out, and besides, I hadn't had time. They would see them, and then what? They'd know someone was here. They were only a scouting party, it was possible they didn't know the Tok'ra were here. It could just be chance that they'd shown up. 
> 
> One of the Jaffa walked over to my footprints and knelt down to take a closer look. Then he looked in my direction. Our eyes met. As quickly as I could I scrambled to my feet and started running away from the base. I was running as fast as I could, but running on sand is very, very difficult. I kept stumbling. The Jaffa seemed to be faster then me. I could hear their armour clanking as they came after me. I'd never been good at running; there was no way I could escape them. Besides, there was no-where to run to, just sand as far as the eye could see. 
> 
> Just as I came to this conclusion, my foot slipped backwards and I fell. I hit the ground with a thud and lay there for a moment, breathing heavily. The Jaffa came up behind me, the clanking slower as they no longer needed to run. 
> 
> "Tok'ra kree!" said the lead Jaffa. 
> 
> Without getting up I twisted my head round so that I could see them. I looked up to see six staff weapons pointed straight at me. 
> 
> "Ho nel, Jaffa," said Sarrazan. 
> 
> They didn't shoot, they just looked at me. Then the lead Jaffa spoke. 
> 
> "You are Tok'ra." It was a statement, not a question. 
> 
> I started to get to my feet. I felt even hotter after my run across the desert. The sand had stuck to my skin. I wiped my hands on my trousers. 
> 
> Then the lead Jaffa indicated to one of the others. The one to his right took his Zat gun and pointed it at me. 
> 
> "Jaffa, ho nel!" shouted Sarrazan. 
> 
> That they wouldn't shoot was too much to ask. As the energy hit me every cell in my body screamed with pain. I fell to the floor gasping, and I couldn't move. Two of the Jaffa took my arms and pulled me across the desert, back towards the Stargate. My hat fell off - dazed, I watched it get smaller and smaller as they dragged me away. 
> 
> ### Chapter 2
> 
> I don't know exactly what I'd been expecting from my brush with the Jaffa, but I was relieved to be alive. I couldn't help but think that after a while I might not be so relieved. They took me through the Stargate, and once we were inside the rather foreboding grey stone stronghold they manhandled me into a cell and chained me to the wall. I don't remember much about the journey, but I do know that after a while the pain of the Zat gun was replaced by the pain of my arm muscles screaming. I don't think anyone realises how painful it is being chained to a wall until they've experienced it. Not only that but it was bitterly cold in the dark cell, and the wall felt damp. It wasn't a very nice place at all. 
> 
> Whoever had captured me wouldn't hesitate to kill me when they found out I wouldn't talk. They probably already knew that I wouldn't talk, but they were willing to keep me alive long enough to torture me. Or else I'd been brought back so that they could do the fun part rather than letting their Jaffa do it for them. My head lolled forward, and I slept for a while. Sarrazan helped ease the pain, but when I woke up the aching was almost unbearable. The shackles had dug into my wrists. I wanted to lift my arms higher to take the weight off of them, but on the other hand I wanted to relax my arms as they ached so much. 
> 
> As I considered the options concerning my arms, the cell door opened. In the darkness it was hard to see who had entered, but I didn't think it would be anyone I wanted to see. 
> 
> "Kel shak, Tok'ra," he said. 
> 
> I didn't reply, I just glared. It was too dark for him to see I was glaring, but I felt better for doing it. Sarrazan was scared, he knew that we'd both be killed once the Goa'uld had had his fun with us. I'd been in near death situations a lot lately, but it didn't make this particular one any easier to deal with. 
> 
> "You were brought from the planet, were you not?" he asked. 
> 
> "I was," I answered. There seemed little sense denying that! 
> 
> "Is there a Tok'ra base there?" he demanded. 
> 
> "I don't know," I replied. 
> 
> "Tell me!" 
> 
> "I can't tell you!" I shouted back. 
> 
> He wasn't happy. That was an understatement. He took a Hara'kash out of his pocket, one of the smaller handheld ribbon devices. They were the torture weapon of choice among the Goa'uld when dealing with their own. They could torture the symbiote within the host, causing terrible suffering to both. They could quite easily cause death (that was what the Ashrak used them for), but I knew he wasn't going to kill me just yet. 
> 
> "Tell me," he repeated, calmly and menacingly. 
> 
> I didn't reply. I wasn't sure what to say. Nothing I could say would make this situation any better. He slipped the Hara'kash onto his hand and held it up to my head, and after sufficient pause he activated it. The stream of light threw my head back so that it hit the wall. Sarrazan writhed in agony, which was more than I was capable of doing. After what seemed like an eternity, the torture stopped. 
> 
> "Tell me," he said again. 
> 
> "I am not Tok'ra." I said the words with what I hoped was quiet disdain. 
> 
> "You have a symbiote within you, you wear the garments of the Tok'ra, how can you be anything other than one of the sho'va?" He spat the last few words in my face. 
> 
> "I am Goa'uld." I tried to sound like I meant it. 
> 
> "You lie!" he shouted. 
> 
> "I do not lie!" I shouted back. And Sarrazan made my eyes glow to show I meant business. 
> 
> "If you are Goa'uld, then who are you?" 
> 
> "I am Seth," I said. 
> 
> There was no-one else I could successfully pretend to be. I had all Seth's knowledge. To all intents and purposes I was all that was left of Seth. After all, the servant of Seth that had lived within me for a short while was none other than one of the children of Seth. 
> 
> "Seth?" he asked. He sounded intrigued. 
> 
> "If you are wise you will unchain me," I said. 
> 
> "But if you are Seth then I have even more reason to keep you here. Have you not realised who I am?" 
> 
> As if I wasn't already nervous enough about this whole scheme, happening to be kidnapped by someone who knew Seth well just about took the biscuit. He took a small orb from his pocket and activated it, creating an oasis of light in the gloom. 
> 
> "You are Apophis." My voice was filled with dread. 
> 
> "You are my old adversary! You will help me win back my rightful place among the System Lords." He sounded very happy. It was quite possible I would have been better being tortured and killed as a Tok'ra. Now death was too pleasant to be an option. 
> 
> Apophis turned away for a moment, letting me think about my fate. The only good thing to come out of this was that he didn't suspect I was a Tok'ra, so he wouldn't find out about the Tok'ra base. If I could keep him playing with me for long enough then they'd have moved on again. Then they'd be safe, even if I wasn't. 
> 
> "I will never share my knowledge with you, Apophis." 
> 
> I said the words as defiantly as I could. I knew they would inflame him. He had always been used to getting his own way. Seth had always held him in contempt - he thought he was capable of being one of the great System Lords, but he was nothing but a petty usurper. He had worked his way to the top through the misfortune of others. The death of Ra had finally meant he was a significant power, but he'd lost everything. He'd lost his wife, his Jaffa had betrayed him... He was more desperate than ever to make his mark. And I had the potential to help him do that. 
> 
> "You will help me, sho'va." 
> 
> Pushing his left hand into my hair, he pulled my head backwards. He jammed the Hara'kash into my forehead, pushing as hard as he could. He was possibly the angriest person I'd ever had the misfortune to be tortured by. I knew what using that device at such short range would do to me, but I wasn't going to struggle. Seth would never have begged for his life. Apophis turned on the device and the white heat penetrated deep into my skull. I lost control of my body, the chains shook as I quivered, and Sarrazan was screaming deep inside me. 
> 
> Then there was peace, and all the pain had gone. It was dark, and I was in an enclosed space, lying on something hard and flat. For a moment I panicked that I'd been buried alive, but since there was no pain I was prepared to accept that it was an improvement. Then the top of the box started to slide apart. The sudden light dazzled my eyes and I closed them automatically. Then I realised I had to open them. It was best to face any further problems with my eyes open. 
> 
> ### Chapter 3
> 
> The fact that we'd been dead could only mean one thing - we'd been put in a sarcophagus - one of the Goa'uld devices that could bring people back to life. I put my hands onto the top of the sarcophagus and pulled myself up. When I'd done that I saw that I was surrounded by Jaffa. One of them stepped forward with some manacles, and I resignedly let him put them on my wrists. There was no point in struggling, not now. It might be possible to manipulate Apophis, but his Jaffa were just following orders. 
> 
> The lead Jaffa tugged on the chain, and led me into an audience chamber. Apophis sat on a throne, surrounded by courtiers. When he saw me he gestured that they leave. 
> 
> "Kneel, sho'va," ordered the Jaffa. 
> 
> I hesitated, knowing that Seth would never kneel before someone as insignificant as Apophis. Then a Jaffa knocked my legs from under me, and I tumbled to the ground. 
> 
> "You would do well to obey me, Seth. We can work together," said Apophis, getting up from his throne. 
> 
> He seemed to be nervous of me, even when I was seemingly helpless. He was almost pleading with me, begging me to take him up on his offer. He must have known that the chances of me helping him were slim, even if he tortured me for eternity. He wanted me to agree to help. He didn't want the danger that damage to my body would be too severe even for a sarcophagus to heal. But I knew (or rather Sarrazan knew) that a Goa'uld in the service of another had nothing to look forward to. The only reason a Goa'uld would let you serve him was if he'd broken your will. The final humiliation was the act of service, but by then a Goa'uld was grateful for the little power that came with the position. There was no way Seth would agree to something like that. 
> 
> "My knowledge is beyond your understanding," I replied. 
> 
> I said it slowly, teasing him. I was playing a dangerous game, but I couldn't give in, and he couldn't kill me permanently. My only worry was that he might give up and decide I was never going to tell him - I might not get the resurrection I was expecting. 
> 
> "What can you have known that I would not understand?" 
> 
> Slowly he walked down the steps until he was standing right in front of me. He pulled my head back so that I was looking at him, then brought the Hara'kash into my view. 
> 
> "I am prepared to show you the error of your ways, sho'va," he said. 
> 
> I tried to think of a witty comeback, but I couldn't. I grimaced in expectation of the pain to come, and when Apophis saw this he smiled. Perhaps I was wrong, perhaps I couldn't keep being killed indefinitely. No-one could blame me if I told Apophis what he wanted to know, could they? 
> 
> My train of thought was cut short by the activation of the Hara'kash, and that searing white heat drilling deep within me. I gritted my teeth and waited for the inevitable. 
> 
> Once more I awoke just before the lid of the sarcophagus slid open. Once more I was hauled before Apophis, and he asked me if I was ready to submit. I wondered whether anyone would care if I just agreed to work for him. Was I being stupid by accepting that he'd give me a decent quality of life? But Sarrazan knew that that wasn't an option - if I worked for Apophis I would have to provide him with at least some of what he wanted to know. And that knowledge would be turned against the Tok'ra, and the SGC. 
> 
> "Come now," he said, "we can be as brothers!" 
> 
> Brother to an evil System Lord, that sounded like asking for trouble. The ones closest to the System Lord were so often the ones that died first. 
> 
> "Tell me a morsel of your knowledge so that I can grow to trust you, brother. Tell me of a chemical, or a weapon," he suggested. 
> 
> I looked at the ground, wishing he'd go away. 
> 
> "Seth," he continued, "with knowledge such as yours we can defeat the feeble System Lords who fight over the remnants of Ra's empire." 
> 
> As I knelt there, feeling my legs go numb underneath me, I wondered whether fighting the System Lords would really be such a bad thing. Perhaps after a while I'd be able to overthrow Apophis and I'd have achieved more than all of those Tok'ra infiltrators put together. The idea sounded better the more I thought about it, until Apophis added something (under his breath and almost as if he'd forgotten I was there). 
> 
> "We can even defeat the Tau'ri," he said. 
> 
> That solved my dilemma. He hated the Tau'ri. I was a fool to think the information I gave him would do anything other than cause the people I'd come to care about pain and suffering. 
> 
> "The answer is still no, Apophis," I quickly said before I had time to change my mind. 
> 
> "Do with him as you will," he said to the Jaffa as he turned away. 
> 
> If I'd been a Goa'uld I would have been severely insulted by this. You expected to be tortured by the Goa'uld you were captured by, not his minions. Not only that but to disfigure a Goa'uld's host was a terrible thing: the Goa'uld spent a long time deciding which host to possess. The Jaffa didn't have fancy torture devices. Whatever they did it was going to hurt me more than Sarrazan. I wondered whether Apophis had given up on me and was going to make me permanently dead. The Jaffa certainly had the potential for vicious torture. Once Apophis had left the room they looked at me with an evil glint in their eyes. There weren't many opportunities for getting back at their Goa'uld overlords. 
> 
> As they kicked me I tried to protect myself, but the shackles rendered me virtually defenceless. Sarrazan eased the pain until one of them realised I wasn't feeling the full force of their blows. Ordering the others to stand back, the lead Jaffa shot me with his Zat gun. The crackling blue light enveloped me for a second before leaving me breathless and in pain, lying on the floor. What's more, I felt very alone. The Zat blast had incapacitated Sarrazan. Without him the blows struck home time after time until I was a bloody mess on the cold floor. When I no longer moved or made a sound, they decided it was no longer fun. As the lead Jaffa activated the Zat gun for the second time I wondered if this was the end. 
> 
> ### Chapter 4
> 
> Apparently I'd underestimated Apophis. His usual narrow-minded approach to torture seemed to have been altered. He seemed to have brought me back to life to have one last try at getting the knowledge of Seth. He didn't ask, he just made me kneel before him and watched me. I was given plenty of time to think about my options. It seemed clear to me that I wasn't going to live much longer unless I did what he wanted. 
> 
> When people talk about "all the knowledge of the Goa'uld", they aren't talking about all the Goa'uld's knowledge. There's a subtle difference. All the Goa'uld have a certain amount of knowledge in common, the things that are passed genetically from parent to child. The Goa'uld share this knowledge by taking Queens outside their house. This is the "knowledge of the Goa'uld". But different houses gain different knowledge. They use slightly different technology, they know of different naqahdah mines and different worlds that are suitable for harvesting hosts. Seth had inflamed the Goa'uld by being something that was rare among the arrogant species - he was an inventor, a scientist. He was the only Goa'uld who would thought of hiding amongst the Tau'ri rather than purely aching for their destruction. 
> 
> The knowledge of Seth was something he had refused to share. He had gone to enormous lengths to keep it secret. To become the most powerful of the Goa'uld you had to have technology that none of the other Goa'uld had. Ra was obviously displeased that Seth was angling for the head position, and with all the Goa'uld baying for his blood he had had no choice but to go into hiding. The Goa'uld were permanently fighting each other, especially since the death of Ra. But Seth had crossed the line. He was hated by the Tok'ra and hunted by the Goa'uld. There were few who could so readily be classified as a traitor, a sho'va. 
> 
> That was what I thought as I knelt before him. Even if Seth had been keeping his scientific advances secret for selfish reasons, that didn't mean I could tell Apophis what he wanted to know. I knew that if he knew about Seth's inventions he'd be even more of a threat to those that were fighting him. Plus I had no guarantee that he'd let me live after I told him. There was only one thing I could say. 
> 
> "Kree shak, Apophis: I will never serve you." 
> 
> "You are an insolent fool, sho'va!" he exclaimed. 
> 
> "You never believed I would submit, did you?" 
> 
> "Even the strongest of us may submit in order to survive," he said. 
> 
> "Perhaps," I admitted. 
> 
> "But you may not be as strong as we always thought," said Apophis. "Perhaps you do not have the knowledge I seek, and you try to conceal your ignorance with your pathetic attempts at bravery." 
> 
> If he was trying to goad me into telling him what I knew, it wasn't going to work. 
> 
> "Trey lan tonic," he said to the Jaffa in charge. 
> 
> The Jaffa raised his weapon and shot me once, letting me suffer for a while before he shot me again. 
> 
> To my surprise, I wasn't dead. I mean, I probably died, but I must have been resurrected again. When I woke up I was in a pleasant room, light and airy. I was lying on a comfortable bed, and I realised there was a woman lying next to me. 
> 
> "My pharaoh," she said, apparently happy to see me awake. 
> 
> I stared at her, wondering who she was. 
> 
> "I have a new host, but I am still your wife," she said. 
> 
> "Nephthys?" I asked. 
> 
> "What has happened to you? I thought I would never see you again." 
> 
> She trailed her fingertips up my chest, but stopped when I flinched away from her touch. 
> 
> "Kel Apophis?" I asked. 
> 
> "He will not bother us, my husband." 
> 
> She was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. I couldn't think how I'd come to be here, but it was much better than being tortured by Apophis. I felt uneasy though - she really was Nephthys. And Nephthys and Seth had never had the best of relationships. I couldn't understand why Nephthys was being so nice to me. Sarrazan was also relieved, but he wasn't at all comfortable in the presence of the Goa'uld Queen. It made no sense that we were here! 
> 
> "Come," she said, talking my hand and leading me over to the sarcophagus. "You are not fully healed." 
> 
> I let her help me into the sarcophagus, and for the first time I was conscious as the lid slid closed. Then I fell into the most relaxing state of semi-consciousness I'd ever experienced. I was almost sad when the time came for the sarcophagus to open again. 
> 
> When I stepped out of the sarcophagus I was alone. I looked around the room. There was no indication of where I was, whether I was on the same planet or whether Nephthys had managed to get me to another planet. I had a horrible feeling that things were going to get worse before they got better. I was examining the new clothes that I'd somehow acquired when the door opened and Nephthys came in, followed by servants with trays of food. 
> 
> "Are you hungry, my pharaoh?" she asked. 
> 
> I'd forgotten how long it was since I'd last eaten - it didn't take much to persuade me to join her in a meal. As soon as the servants had put the food on the table she gestured that they should leave, and we were alone. 
> 
> "Nephthys, are we still on Apophis' planet?" I asked. 
> 
> "Yes, we are. Since you seem so determined to kill yourself I decided to try and save your life." 
> 
> "But why? You left me!" 
> 
> "Yes, but you always cared more for your work than me," she said, sounding sad. 
> 
> The longer I pretended to be Seth, the more involved in his memories I became. The memories of Seth were more than just facts and figures - there were emotions in there too. Seth had felt very strongly about Nephthys. The story was a strange one, but it all stemmed from the same stubborn refusal to share his knowledge with the other Goa'uld. 
> 
> Seth and Nephthys had never had any children. Seth didn't want his genetic memory to be mixed with the memories of any of the other houses, so he refused her. He loved her, but it was necessary. The children of the System Lords were their main threat. They weren't always stable, and they often had allegiances to people other than their father. Seth couldn't take the risk, so he cloned himself in order to make larvae. These exact copies were necessary to control the Jaffa, but they were hardly ever allowed to mature. The only reason they were allowed to take a host was if the ruling Seth of the time died. The Seth that SG-1 had killed on Earth was not the first Seth. The Jaffa always complied with Seth's wishes: without a Goa'uld to lead them they wouldn't have the prim'tas they needed to survive. 
> 
> Nephthys had grown tired of this, and she started an affair with Osiris. Osiris was eager to do it as he wanted to learn Seth's secrets. He probably thought that stealing away another System Lord's Queen showed how powerful he was. Seth caught them together, and Nephthys left him. Nephthys had known what she was doing - she knew Seth was getting into trouble in Goa'uld politics and she had no intention of dying along with her husband. Seth knew her concerns, and that was why he let her leave. Of course, he attacked Osiris because of the insult, but his heart wasn't in it. He knew Nephthys was far safer in the house of another Goa'uld. 
> 
> It had been a strange relationship. Both of them had cared for each other, and they'd both behaved in ways that were the opposite to what you might have expected. Even if they had betrayed each other, they had done it because they cared. That was why I felt safe with Nephthys. That was why I felt strangely sad when she said Seth had loved his work more than her. Protecting the knowledge had always been top priority, but he had wanted Nephthys to be his Queen for all eternity. 
> 
> I took her hand and gently kissed it. Sarrazan was beginning to doubt that this had anything to do with escaping, and he was probably right. I should probably have asked her which was the best way to escape and then jumped through the Stargate, but I felt rather emotionally involved. 
> 
> "I always loved you, and you always loved me," I said. 
> 
> Feeling a sudden pull towards each other, we leaned closer and kissed. It was a delicate, slow kiss and as she kissed she ran her fingers through my hair. When we parted, her hands were holding my head a short distance from her own. I looked into her soft brown eyes, and she looked into mine. All of a sudden she broke off, and stood up. 
> 
> "I have to use the sarcophagus," she said. 
> 
> "Let me join you," I said. I didn't want to be left alone again. 
> 
> I was increasingly aware that Sarrazan thought I'd gone completely mad. But I thought I was doing what was best for us. Perhaps I was being selfish, but part of me thought that with Nephthys' help we'd be able to escape. 
> 
> Hand in hand, we walked over to the sarcophagus. I got in first, and lay down. Then Nephthys stepped in and lay on top of me. She smelt delicious, and she radiated warmth. As she rested her head on my chest, I put my arms around her. Together we slept the most peaceful of sleeps. 
> 
> When the lid slid open, we were both fully refreshed. I felt fitter than I'd felt before, and Nephthys looked better too. Without saying a word she removed her outer garments, and then she started to take off mine as well. I didn't know how to react. Part of me wanted to struggle, to stop her. Sarrazan was fighting me for control of my body, but there was little he could do. Since we were confined in the bottom of the sarcophagus and hurting Nephthys would mean we would ruin our only real chances of escape, I decided we had to give in to her feminine charms. That was my excuse, although Sarrazan doubted that was why I was letting her undress me. 
> 
> Before long we were naked, Nephthys' bare skin brushing mine as we moved inside the sarcophagus. She kissed me, I kissed her, and the hardness of the naqahdah surface I was lying on no longer seemed to matter. We made love until we were exhausted, and then we slept. 
> 
> ### Chapter 5
> 
> When I awoke I was inside the closed sarcophagus, and I was alone. As the lid slid open I was horrible aware that I was naked, and I realised I'd probably made a terrible mistake. Nephthys was no-where to be seen. I clambered out of the sarcophagus and put on my clothes. After a while I opened the door and peered outside. It seemed deserted. Then I heard the now familiar clanking of some Serpent Guards. 
> 
> Quietly I closed the door and sat on the bed. I had no idea what to do next - things were spiralling out of control. I sat with my head in my hands, waiting for the inevitable entry of the Serpent Guards. Where was Nephthys? Had she betrayed me? What was Apophis going to do to me now? 
> 
> The Guards burst in and hauled me away. They took me back to the dungeon where I'd been chained at the beginning, and I hung there feeling sorry for myself. My reverie was interrupted by the arrival of Nephthys - someone I certainly hadn't been expecting! 
> 
> "I beg your forgiveness, my Lord," she said. 
> 
> Part of me wanted to rant at her for betraying me, and part of me thought that she'd done well to keep me out of this dungeon for as long as she had. 
> 
> "I had to leave you, but a miracle has happened," she said. "When I left you I went to the Stargate. As I stood there thinking, a machine travelled through from another world." 
> 
> Suddenly I was hanging on her every word. I almost forgot my annoyance and discomfort. 
> 
> "The machine talked to me," she continued. "I replied, and I managed to persuade some Tau'ri to help us fight Apophis. They agreed to come through the Stargate." 
> 
> "Tau'ri?" I asked. 
> 
> "When they came through my Serpent Guards easily took them prisoner. I discovered that they were the ones that Apophis has been so keen to find - those he calls SG-1." 
> 
> For a moment I was shocked that SG-1 had been so easily captured. Then I realised that Nephthys could be onto something. If Apophis was desperate to have SG-1 in his possession, he might be prepared to let Nephthys and I leave. 
> 
> "Is Apophis prepared to bargain with you?" I asked. 
> 
> "He is. He says he will let you live. He may even let you leave this place." 
> 
> Sarrazan was not at all convinced that Apophis could be trusted. I suppose that deep down I knew he couldn't, but I wanted to get out of here so badly that I was prepared to believe anything. Another difference between us was that Sarrazan was vehemently opposed to using SG-1 as a bargaining tool. 
> 
> "Where are the Tau'ri now?" I asked. 
> 
> "They are in the cell next to you," she said. "You may even hear their whimpering in the night." 
> 
> I smiled at Nephthys, and she smiled back. As she left I was plagued by Sarrazan's insistence that I couldn't allow them to be handed over in exchange for our lives. They had obviously come to save me, how could I let them be tortured by Apophis? My response to that would have been 'quite easily', but Sarrazan wasn't going to let me get away with that sort of attitude. I let Sarrazan take control of my body, glad in a way that I no longer had to wonder what to do next. 
> 
> Sarrazan banged my manacled wrists against the wall behind me. After a while there was a response - someone tapped back. 
> 
> "Is there anyone there?" asked Sarrazan. 
> 
> "Just the four of us, not counting the giant mutant rats," answered O'Neill. 
> 
> "You can't trust Dante," continued Sarrazan. 
> 
> Although I felt affronted by this, I didn't see any point in arguing. 
> 
> "And why not?" asked O'Neill. 
> 
> "He's used the sarcophagus a lot lately," replied Sarrazan. 
> 
> There was frantic whispering from the other side of the wall. 
> 
> "We understand," said Jackson. 
> 
> "Do you have a plan?" asked Carter. 
> 
> "Major!" hissed O'Neill. 
> 
> "Sorry Sir, thought it was worth a try," she explained. 
> 
> For a moment there was an embarrassed silence. 
> 
> "As a matter of fact, I do," said Sarrazan. 
> 
> I saw what he was going to do, and even though my loyalties were divided at the moment I could see that it had a chance of working. 
> 
> "You have to tell Nephthys that you'll grant us Kel Moch if she lets us escape." 
> 
> "Sanctuary? THAT'S your plan?" said O'Neill. 
> 
> "She's doing all this to try and save Seth's life," Sarrazan said. 
> 
> "She does know that Seth's DEAD..?" asked Jackson. 
> 
> "She thinks Dante is Seth," explained Sarrazan. 
> 
> "And she thinks this because..?" asked O'Neill. 
> 
> "Dante pretended to be Seth as he has all of Seth's knowledge. They would have killed a Tok'ra straight away." 
> 
> "He's right, Sir," said Carter. She sounded impressed. 
> 
> They conferred for a while before replying. 
> 
> "So Nephthys is who, exactly?" asked O'Neill. 
> 
> "The wife of Seth, but she sided with Osiris and Isis..." began Jackson. 
> 
> "Hey, enough of the mumbo jumbo, Daniel," interrupted O'Neill. "Sarrazan?" 
> 
> "She's the woman who captured you," he said. 
> 
> "Oh, this just gets better and better," muttered O'Neill. "You think this'll work?" 
> 
> "I hope so," said Sarrazan. 
> 
> "So do I," said O'Neill. 
> 
> ### Chapter 6
> 
> I heard them shouting, then a Serpent Guard turned up. I couldn't make out what they said to him, but somehow they persuaded him to ask Nephthys to visit them. They talked for a while, then Nephthys turned up outside my cell. 
> 
> "They say that if you go with them they will grant you Kel Moch," she said. 
> 
> "We probably can't trust Apophis," I admitted. 
> 
> "So what should I do?" she asked. 
> 
> "If you help, you will be safe, won't you?" 
> 
> "He won't hurt me. We both know that." 
> 
> Now that there was a chance of escaping, I found that I didn't want to leave. I didn't really mind being chained up in a cell, not as long as I could be near Nephthys. 
> 
> "I'll have to leave soon," she said. 
> 
> That was the problem. There was no point staying here when all that I could look forward to was hideous torture. And if SG-1 had come to rescue me, it was impolite not to return to Earth with them. 
> 
> "We can trust them," I said. "There's something I have to tell you before..." 
> 
> I trailed off. Neither one of us wanted to admit that if I escaped we might never see each other again. But I didn't want to leave her when I hadn't told her the truth about who I was. If she found out she might not be so keen on being my 'wife'. 
> 
> "The thing is," I started, "I'm not actually Seth." 
> 
> There, I'd said it. 
> 
> "But if you aren't Seth, who ARE you? How do you have his knowledge? You are Goa'uld, I can feel it." 
> 
> She sounded like she thought the torture might have damaged my brain in some way. I suppose it did sound a bit unbelievable. 
> 
> "I was Seth's host." 
> 
> "But you are Goa'uld," she stated. 
> 
> "Actually, I'm Tok'ra." 
> 
> The look on her face told me our love affair could be over. 
> 
> "Tok'ra?" she spat. 
> 
> "Look, before you say anything, let me explain." 
> 
> "Why should I listen to you?" 
> 
> "Because I love you!" I shouted. 
> 
> I thought it entirely possible that SG-1 could hear me shouting at Nephthys, and I wondered what they were thinking. They were probably thinking that Dante had DEFINITELY used the sarcophagus too much. The truth of the matter was that at that moment I loved Nephthys more than anyone else in the history of the world. It wasn't just that I enjoyed her company. I mean, I felt like I'd lived with her for thousands of years, so I did, but that wasn't it. There was something there, a spark, that I hadn't felt for so very long. Real fiery passion. 
> 
> She stuck her arm through the bars, the anger gone from her face. Trying to reach me, her fingertips brushed my left arm. 
> 
> "I love you more than I ever loved Seth," she said quietly. 
> 
> "Don't be afraid of your host," I said. "It's not too late, since she's new. She might forgive you. It's better when you can exist together. Trust me." 
> 
> I looked at her pleadingly, and she nodded slightly. For any Goa'uld to consider doing what I'd just proposed they'd have to have a major change in lifestyle. Having said that, I reckoned that she was going to have to go through one anyway. She was going to be sent away, and who knew what was going to happen then? 
> 
> "Nephthys," said Sarrazan in his scary Goa'uld voice, "listen to Dante." 
> 
> "The Tok'ra?" she asked. 
> 
> "Yes," said Sarrazan. 
> 
> "So it can be done," said Nephthys. 
> 
> She sounded like she was relieved, though I didn't fully understand why. 
> 
> "We must act quickly," she said. 
> 
> She blew me a kiss before hurrying away. I don't know how much time passed. It probably seemed longer because of the waiting. It always does. 
> 
> Then some familiar faces appeared outside my cell. 
> 
> "Hey, Dante, still hanging around?" whispered O'Neill. 
> 
> Teal'c gave him a very strange look. O'Neill ignored him and fiddled with the lock. It wasn't long before he got it open. 
> 
> "Nephthys brought us all our stuff," explained Jackson. 
> 
> "Yeah, now we just have to get out of here in one piece," said O'Neill. "Shouldn't be hard." 
> 
> He grinned at me, and I started to think that perhaps everything was going to be alright. (No matter what Word says, I think alright should be a word, so there.) When the manacles were undone I massaged my wrists for a while, trying to get the indentations out of my skin. Then I looked up at the faces of the four people in my cell. 
> 
> "There's no need to look so worried, I'm fine," I said. 
> 
> "Sure you are Dante," said O'Neill, patting me on the shoulder. "Let's get out of here." 
> 
> "Good idea," muttered Jackson. 
> 
> As they started to leave the cell, I hesitated. 
> 
> "Can't we take Nephthys back with us?" I asked. 
> 
> O'Neill rested his hands on his gun, and looked at me in disbelief. 
> 
> "You want us to take a Goa'uld back through to Earth? I don't think so!" 
> 
> He gestured at Carter, and she ushered me out of the cell. 
> 
> "She freed you, didn't she?" I said. 
> 
> "Yeah. But since she captured us first, it sorta cancels itself out," said O'Neill. 
> 
> "You're all so blind!" I exclaimed. 
> 
> O'Neill waved frantically at Carter, and she covered up my mouth with her hand. 
> 
> "Please Dante, if you're not quiet we'll be in serious trouble," she whispered. 
> 
> "You are not yourself, Dante," said Teal'c, raising one eyebrow at me. 
> 
> They were all so insistent that I was chastened into silence. I didn't want to be tortured again, and I didn't want to get Nephthys into trouble for letting us go. 
> 
> The walk to the Stargate was fairly uneventful. When we got there we found three Serpent Guards keeping watch. 
> 
> "Nothing we can't handle," said O'Neill. 
> 
> He waved his fingers around covertly, but I strolled out towards the guards. 
> 
> "For crying out loud," said O'Neill under his breath. 
> 
> "Shal tek!" I shouted at the Guards. 
> 
> With my deliberate stride and authoritative tone the Jaffa almost obeyed me and dialled up the 'gate. Where they would have dialled to is beyond me. Probably some other Goa'uld stronghold that I didn't particularly want to go to. But then one of them wondered who I was, and pointed his staff weapon at me. Luckily that was when SG-1 burst out of their cover and shot all of them. 
> 
> "Grab him," shouted O'Neill. "Start dialling, Daniel!" 
> 
> ### Chapter 7
> 
> Once again I was manhandled through the Stargate, but this time I was being dragged along by people who were supposed to be my friends. We stepped through the rippling blue event horizon and were spat out onto the metal ramp in the SGC. The iris spiralled shut behind us, and O'Neill looked extremely relieved that we'd made it through unaccompanied. 
> 
> "We'd better get you to the infirmary," said O'Neill. 
> 
> "But I feel fine!" I protested. 
> 
> "It's routine, Dante," he replied. 
> 
> I let them take me to see Dr Fraiser. I'd dreamed of being back on Earth and talking to Janet, but now I was here I didn't really want to see her. I felt like a sulky child who knew he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have. 
> 
> I lay down, and they retreated to talk about me out of earshot. I knew that was what they were doing. Every now and again one of them would glance at me with some conspiratorial sort of look. After a few minutes of animated discussion Dr Fraiser came over to my bedside. 
> 
> "You're going to have to stay under observation for a while, Dante," she said gently. 
> 
> "I can't stay! I have to find Nephthys!" I whined. 
> 
> I tried to get up, but Teal'c pushed me down as Dr Fraiser strapped me to the bed. 
> 
> "I'm sorry we have to do this," she said 
> 
> They wheeled me off to a private room. I ranted about how they had to let me go, how I had to find Nephthys, and they looked at me with pity in their eyes. They couldn't see how I could love a Goa'uld, that had to be what it was. Dr Fraiser didn't visit much, which wasn't altogether surprising. I still loved her, but as a friend, not in the same way I loved Nephthys. I'd hurt her, I know, but I couldn't help the way I felt. 
> 
> After a few days of ranting, I calmed down. I wasn't feeling at all well. I had a fever and I was sure I was going to die. I hardly noticed Sarrazan was there, even though he must have been battling to sort my body chemistry out. If I'd been able to look in a mirror I would have seen that I looked like a very ill madman. I'm pretty sure that was how I behaved, though I don't remember much of it. It was like a prolonged nightmare, but unlike a nightmare it scared the people around me too. They were in my nightmare, and they couldn't leave until I'd battled the sarcophagus withdrawal symptoms. 
> 
> Daniel sat with me the most. He talked to me, though I wasn't much good at giving coherent responses. He told me about how he'd been through the same thing and it got better. Something that made someone feel as good as the sarcophagus had to have a drawback and this nightmare certainly counted as a drawback. 
> 
> It got to a point where I felt weak and ill but I was myself. Sarrazan was much happier than I was - it can't have been pleasant to be stuck inside a raving lunatic for days on end. But to everyone's surprise, I still insisted that I had to go and find Nephthys. Eventually they all met up in my room in order to hear my argument. 
> 
> "I have to go back, I promised," I said. 
> 
> "You weren't yourself when you made that promise," said Jackson, "no-one would blame you if you didn't go back." 
> 
> "But I have to, can't you see that?" 
> 
> "She's a Goa'uld, Dante," said O'Neill. 
> 
> "I know! That's the problem!" I said sadly. 
> 
> "There is more to this than meets the eye, Dante," said Teal'c. 
> 
> Now that sounded like a statement, but it was sort of a question as well. Teal'c always had the strangest ways of putting things, but he didn't tend to say anything unless it needed to be said. 
> 
> "There is, you're right," I replied. "While I was there, something happened between Nephthys and me." 
> 
> "You fell in love with a Goa'uld?" said O'Neill. 
> 
> I couldn't think how to tell them what I'd done, so I was silent while I tried to figure out how to phrase it. 
> 
> "You slept with her, didn't you," said Carter. 
> 
> "You did WHAT?" burst out O'Neill. 
> 
> "It seemed like a sensible thing to do at the time," I said. 
> 
> That was a poor defence, especially when I looked at the potential trouble ahead. 
> 
> "Of all the stupid..." started O'Neill. 
> 
> "You didn't..." interrupted Jackson. He looked at my serious face and concluded, "you did, didn't you. That's why you need to find her so badly." 
> 
> "You know why Apophis wanted me, presumably. He wanted to get Seth's knowledge. The mind control drugs that only Seth could make, things like that. Well, I wouldn't tell him. So he made a deal with Nephthys. If she did her part of the deal then he wouldn't kill me." 
> 
> I paused and looked at their annoyed faces. Maybe if they'd come to save me earlier then none of this would have happened. 
> 
> "Nephthys slept with me so that she could bear Apophis a child, a new host with all of Seth's knowledge," I concluded. 
> 
> "A Harseisis," said Jackson. 
> 
> "But in nine months Apophis will have a child in his possession that has all the knowledge of the Tok'ra," said Sarrazan. 
> 
> No-one in the room knew what to say. This was more trouble than anyone could ever have suspected I was capable of causing. 
> 
> ### Chapter 8
> 
> After a while things improved a little. I was allowed to wander around the base again, I even got my old room back. But I didn't want to go back to the Tok'ra. The only way I could sort all this out was if I went and found Nephthys. I kept nagging O'Neill until he agreed that I could go, although he thought my chances of success were slim. Luckily I had an expert in the field to accompany me, in the shape of Sarrazan. Sarrazan was the only one who understood why I'd slept with Nephthys. If I hadn't then I might be dead, or Nephthys would be dead for helping me to escape. Apophis couldn't kill her if he wanted the child. 
> 
> Before I left I had to talk to Dr Fraiser. I couldn't bear the looks she gave me, I had to try and straighten things out. I walked into her office, knocking first of course, and got straight to the point. 
> 
> "Janet," I said, "I never meant to hurt you." 
> 
> "If you want to run off and make out with the first Goa'uld you meet, that's none of my business," she snapped. 
> 
> "You knew what we had would never work. I won't age, and I have to be gadding around different parts of the universe while you're keeping everyone in the SGC in tip-top shape. How is a relationship like that ever going to work?" I asked. 
> 
> For a moment she was quiet, but she didn't look angry. She'd probably come to the same conclusions. 
> 
> "You're right. In a way I'm glad this happened to sort out the problem. I just wish you hadn't jumped into bed with the first alien you met." 
> 
> "She wasn't the first," I said. 
> 
> Dr Fraiser looked at me strangely until I realised what I'd just said. 
> 
> "I mean, she wasn't the first alien I met. She was just the first I've slept with." 
> 
> She grinned. Then she hugged me. 
> 
> "I'm glad you're feeling better," she said. "You're leaving tomorrow, aren't you?" 
> 
> "Yeah," I said. "I have to find her before things start happening." 
> 
> "Do you really love her?" 
> 
> "More than anything. And she loved me enough to set me free even after I told her who I really was." 
> 
> "I'm glad you found someone," she said, stumbling over her words. "I mean, I'm glad you find someone that would make the perfect partner." 
> 
> "Apart from the fact she's a Goa'uld, you mean," I grinned. 
> 
> For a moment we sat and thought about how absurd life was. Who would have thought this was how things would end? 
> 
> "When you find her, she'll be the host rather than Nephthys," said Janet. 
> 
> "I know," I said. 
> 
> "And she might be going through those withdrawal symptoms," she added. 
> 
> "I know," I said. "I'll miss you, Janet." 
> 
> "I know," she said. 
> 
>   

> 
> ### 
> 
> THE END (no, really, it is!)
> 
> Having said that, do you want to know what happens next? Some people expressed an interest, so I wondered whether there was more of a call for it than I previously realised. You can e-mail me with your opinion! 


End file.
